FAMILY: I’m a JERK!

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As a woman who checks off married, mother, and homemaker on everyday applications, I’m always hunting down the one way to be the best at all three titles. You know, that equation that has been scientifically pinterest-proven to make you the best overall “woman” as per society. From always have a hot meal on the table worthy of an filter-less instagram share. To a play-date planned to perfection worthy of a blog post gone viral. To laundry that never machine sits, and dishes that never get stacked dirty. A mother to that child who always follows up a request with please and finishes it off with it’s counterpart, thank you. And a woman who has perfected the 5 minute face.

…you make it look so easy! How do you do it? If only I had it together like you.

I was in Starbucks the other day getting a midday pick-me-up when I got this so-called compliment, and how I responded made me a complete jerk. She didn’t know that morning I woke up and put on my make-up as Sofia ping-ponged between watching cartoons and tugging at my pajama leg, “are you done yet”? She also didn’t know that my breakfast consisted of Sofia’s morning left overs. She knew nothing about the fact that I cursed in my head at least a dozen times while trying to get out the door. Or that I went through 6 possible outfits this morning, which are still laying on the floor, before deciding on which outfit made me feel least ugly. I bet you’re wondering what I said to her in rebuttal to her rather unexpected cry for help?

…oh, ha, thanks.

Are you kidding? This makes me all sorts of a jerk! The truth is it’s far from that, what I should’ve replied with was “oh jeez, if you could’ve been a fly on the wall at 6am this morning” or even something along the lines of “drama class was always my strong suit”. So to the woman in Starbucks who thinks I’ve perfected the roll of a homemaker, please see above for the current state of my house. If you need me I’ll be at home re-washing the laundry that’s been sitting wet for the last 48 hours, and loading the stack of dishes next to the sink that puts shame to my homemaker title and the Tower of Pisa all while trying to convince Sofia that we’re playing this fun game called motherhood.

 

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