FAMILY: now that your child is three

 

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Today, Hillary and I share with you some endearing life lessons we’ve learnt as mothers, with a whole 6 years combined, we feel their are no two better woman to dish out advice. Come’on, if the stranger behind you in Starbucks, sans children is allowed to tell you how to parent, so can we! Without further ado here are 7 things we can no longer say or do now that you are a parent to a child who has turned three.

taira

Taking them shopping for gifts weeks before the big reveal.
CASE IN POINT// my daughter approaches my husband 8 days before his birthday, 10 hours after we bought his gift, “I know what we got you for your birthday *she says in a sneaky voice”, and it isn’t a grey sweater with wooden buttons.”

Spelling out words of secrecy.
CASE IN POINT// we often find ourselves spelling words versus speaking them to avoid excitement and in turn disappointment. words like P-A-R-K and I-C-E  C-R-E-A-M; in turn when one of us leaves the house or makes our way to the front door we get a “hey! don’t forget the E-F-F-A-G-2-X!”

Using sexual innuendos freely.
CASE IN POINT// we’re in home décor store shopping for seasonal pillows, I find one I like with no price tag, I politely ask an employee to check for me, he comes back with the price tag, handing it to me he says in a joking manner “you can slap that on there if you’d like” to sofia’s reply “that’s what she said”.

hillary

Saying words that sound like other words.
CASE IN POINT// i tell Grady not to push on the tiny plastic fence slats because his hand might get pinched. as we walk into the crowded coffee shop he says, at top toddler volume, “so I gotta watch out for TINY SLUTS, mama?”

Lying about what’s in my glass.
CASE IN POINT// if i’m drinking something tasty, or full of sugar or caffeine, and grady asks for a sip, I’ll often say I can’t share because “there’s booze in it.” This backfired when we were at my parents’ place for a big family breakfast and grady asked if there was booze in my juice glass. (I wish, buddy.)

Slacking off on personal grooming habits.
CASE IN POINT// i may have let my legs get a little too fuzzy recently. grady told a group of my friends that I got my hairy legs from hugging my husband {because he has hairy legs and I somehow caught his hairy-leg-disease? Toddler logic is hard to follow.}

Letting your road rage-I-mean-frustration get the best of you.
CASE IN POINT// on one particularly trying morning, my navigator must have noticed my sighs of impatience because a little voice floated up from the backseat with, “they all idiots, mama?”

 

…told you we were the right ones to dish out this kind of parenting advice. anything else you need to know, just reach out, we’ve got you covered, it’s what we’re here for, saving you face before complete disasters like these take place in your life. you’re welcome! head on over to hillary’s site, hillary with 2 l’s, i promise grady will keep you entertained, while hillary will keep your belly and hearts full.

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